Humor
NAME: Simon Keller
ALIAS: HUMOR
AGE: REDACTED
EYE COLOR: REDACTED
HAIR COLOR: Brown
OCCUPATION: Mercenary, caterer, birthday party entertainer, butterfly therapist, veterinary acupuncturist
PLACE OF BIRTH: REDACTED
POWERS:
- REGENERATION/HEALING FACTOR:
Enhanced ability to heal damaged tissue at an extremely fast rate. - SUPERIOR PHYSICAL CONDITIONING
Simon possesses enhanced strength, speed, reflexes and stamina thanks to the Project Phantom gene experiments. - SKILLED COMBATANT
Superb marksman with various firearms and adept in the use of explosives and subterfuge. Also possesses extensive training in various armed combat techniques and martial arts.
Colonel Robert Keller was a military man through and through. His almost zealot-like faith in the American government overrode his morals when he volunteered his pregnant wife and his unborn son as part of a top-secret, clandestine government breeding program called Project Phantom, intended to develop superhuman soldiers capable of surviving anything, even the most grievous of wounds. A year after the child's birth it was confirmed that the experiment was a success. Baby Simon possessed a gene that would grant him the ability to regenerate tissue at an extraordinarily rapid rate. As he matured, the child noticed he'd never gotten sick and any injuries of his always healed faster than those of other children his age. When he questioned his mother as to why this was, she told him he was just strong. When she saw he was unsatisfied with her answer, she brought him before a doctor who explained to him that he possessed an extremely strong immune system and he just happened to be lucky. As a child, Simon had no reason to question him. He was a doctor after all. Naturally, he was actually under the employ of the Project Phantom.
As a teen, the liberal and artistic Simon possessed little interest in the armed forces and harbored the desire to be an actor or a comedian when he grew up. His father simply laughed in his face, told him he wasn't funny and that his future lay in the military, whether he liked it or not. Dejected, and with little choice in the matter, Simon relented and did as he was told, enlisting as soon as he graduated. Naturally, he excelled. But he wasn’t happy about it. He decided to make the best of a bad situation after remembering something his mother frequently told him. ”No matter what happens in life, face it with a SMILE.” He became a model soldier, completing every task and mission assigned to him with extraordinary efficiency. After some time, he found himself invited to join the Primary Anti-Terrorist Regional & International Operations Taskforce aka P.A.T.R.I.O.T., a clandestine group of CIA-sponsored mercenary assassins. In reality, the division was actually an experiment; his father and the Project Phantom think-tank placed him in increasingly dangerous operations that were meant to test the limits of his enhanced healing abilities.
On one particular mission, Simon and his squad were ordered to capture and eliminate a group of deserters who’d absconded with invaluable C.I.A. intel. In truth, they were scientists who were fed up with the government's increasingly inhumane experiments on its own citizens. Simon chased down the last scientist, who pleaded for his life by revealing the existence of Project Phantom and mentioned Simon played a part in it. Before he could give Simon any more answers he was killed by one of his squad mates. With more than a handful of questions, Simon was unsure of what to do. Unfortunately, Colonel Keller was unaware Simon possessed the information he had and staged an ambush that had Simon's entire team killed. The ambush was actually an experiment to see if Simon's healing factor affected him emotionally as well as physically. It didn’t. The death of his squad-mates caused Simon to become erratic and mentally imbalanced. He began taking unnecessary risks during ops, the last of which culminated in Simon throwing himself into a hail of gunfire in an attempted suicide. To his surprise, his wounds healed almost instantly. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. He went AWOL in search of answers.
After MUCH digging, Simon tracked down a Project Phantom complex, storming the building until he found someone with the information he needed. He tortured politely asked a researcher for information until he gave up everything. Between the creation of Project Phantom to the circumstances of his birth and last but not least, the fact that his father was behind it all. Rocked by this revelation, Simon was momentarily distracted and the scientist was able to slip away. Simon gave chase but the man drew a gun, pulled the trigger, and shot Simon in the head. BANG. Technicolor lights exploded, clouding Simon's vision until everything went dark in an instant.
And yet, he awoke. An undetermined amount of time later, it was impossible to tell. A fleeing technician took pity on him and pulled him to safety. He explained that the bullet had pierced his skull but didn't have enough momentum to travel further, lodging itself ever so slightly in the cleft between the left and right side of his brain. And because he healed fast, not right, the bullet had nowhere to go once his skull closed.
Shrugging off this development despite the scientist's warning that the bullet might bring on severe psychosis and mental instability, Simon returned to basecamp to confront his father, who admitted to everything, claiming he'd done it all to make Simon stronger. Realizing his father was behind all the trauma he’d ever suffered pushed Simon even further into madness. He answered his father's admittance with a joke. "What did the wolf say to the rabbits who crossed into his woods?" Utterly confused by Simon's bizarre reaction, he shrugged. "That'll do, pig." Simon finished, bursting into laughter. His father was puzzled. "I guess you had to be there!" He cackled as he shot his father in the heart. He kept shooting until he ran out of bullets.
Unsure of what to do with himself now, Simon wandered off base. Three days later, he reached a convenience store and as he contemplated his options (regarding both his future and candy), a man pulled a gun on the cashier and demanded Simon’s valuables. When Simon resisted, he shot him. He was unharmed of course and retaliated by beating the man to death with a tire iron. By the time he finished, he had an epiphany. He looked up at the cashier, his face covered in blood and said one thing:
